Barrie Film Fest

It's a Saturday night, Crystal and I have nothing planned so we decide to head down the street to Blockbuster to rent a flick. We park the car, head in and start to grab movies we'd like to see. Usually we come back with very different movies. Crystal (like most ladies) likes chick flicks. I like more indie movies, the kind that have the film festival awards on the DVD cover. It's often a case of compromise on both ends to get a movie we'd both enjoy.

Kicking off next week is an event that it right in my wheel-house... the Barrie Film Festival! I went through the movie listings, and there are 3 movies I REALLY want to go see.

THE HURT LOCKER

I have a thing for war movies. Doesn't matter if it's World War 2, the Gulf War, the Vietnam War, I like them. Maybe it's because deep down inside I wish I could be a hero. I wish I had the courage to go fight for my country. Maybe it's because my mom never let us play with guns when we were kids? (Love ya mom!) Anyway you slice it, I think I'd enjoy it.

THE COVE

To go along with my love of war movies, is my love of documentaries. (Yeah my wife says I'm a loser.) About a year ago I watched a movie called Sharkwater. It was a moving film, and totally changed the way I viewed sharks. Well, I've always liked dolphins, so I doubt this film will make me like dolphins all of a sudden. BUT it will likely open my eyes to what is being done to them on the other side of the world. I believe that film has the power to do that. To open our eyes to injustice happening in the world, and impact us in way that we'll want to take action.

ART & COPY

Some people hate commercials. I am not one of those people. I think a creative, well-written commercial can be more entertaining than the tv/radio show you might be tuned into. So when I heard there was a documentary (another one?) about advertising, my ears immediately perked up. This looks like a winner for sure.

The Barrie Film Festival kicks off next weekend, maybe I'll see you at one of the shows.

Suffering

To (kind of) go along with Rob Bell's talk on suffering and how it's sometimes required to imagine a new future, check out this video.

If life was to hand you lemons today, what would be your lemonade?

Drops Like Stars - The Recap

Last night I had the opportunity to travel down to Toronto and catch Rob Bell on his Drops Like Stars tour. Here's a quick recap of some of the hilites.

• The problem with "Out Of The Box" is that "The Box" is still our primary point of reference.
• Suffering forces us to imagine a new future, because the one we were planning is gone.
• If we aren't careful, our success and security and abundance can lead to a certain sort of boredom; a numbing predictability, a paralyzing indifference that comes from being too comfortable.
• Sometimes there is a truth just below the surface that is, in fact, the real issue. And to get it out in the open, we have to suffer. Pain has a way of making us honest.
• Great artists put into words what so many of us are thinking, feeling and wondering. They affirm that we aren't the only ones having this experience.
• It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, black or white, young or old - if you have the same disease as someone else, or if you both have a daughter with an eating disorder, or you were both recently fired... You have a bond that transcends whatever differences you have. That is what suffering does. It is the art of solidarity.
• The first Christians insisted that when Jesus died on the cross, this wasn't another execution by the Roman Empire, This was God in flesh and blood. Bloody, thirsty, suffering, A God who was not somewhere else, distant, aloof, detached - but a God who was among us, feeling what we feel, aching how we ache, suffering like us. The cross was God's way of saying "I know how you feel."
• Sculptors shape and form and rearrange, but at the most basic level they take away. And there is an extraordinary, beautiful art to knowing what to take away.
• There is greatness within you. Courage. Desire. Integrity. Compassion. It's in there somewhere and sometimes we need to suffer to get at it.
• It isn't just a failure, a mistake, a sin, a wrong. It's also an opportunity to grow, expand, evolve, and learn. It's the art of failure.

He went for almost 2 hours without any notes, holding the crowd's attention for the entire time. It was Rob's first time speaking in Toronto, hopefully not his last.

Hopeful Suffering

I had the chance to speak with Rob Bell today, a guy I've looked up to and respected for a while. A couple years ago Crystal and I made the trip from Barrie to Grand Rapids, Michigan to pay Rob a visit in his natural habitat. After the service I waited patiently as Rob was mobbed by a seemingly endless line of people in attendance that day, and when my turn came up, let's just say it wasn't a good first impression. Dude gave me the Nashville handshake (shake hands while looking elsewhere) and didn't look at the camera when I asked for a picture. To be totally honest, when I see that picture it hurts.

Maybe he's just uncomfortable with the celebrity status he has achieved? At least that's how I reasoned it in my head.

Anyway, my second encounter with Rob (over the phone today) was much more positive. In fact, I'm trying to get the night off work to go see Rob next Wednesday. Maybe even suck up my pride and try for a face-to-face encounter again. We'll see.

If you want to check it out, get your tickets HERE. And you can listen to my conversation with Rob HERE.

Mystery Box

I believe we as Christians do a poor job of communicating the story of Jesus. It is the GREATEST STORY EVER. Why don't we do a better job of telling the story? Is it because we read the Bible verse by verse and ignore the bigger story? Perhaps.

I think JJ Abrams does a great job of telling story. Why? He credits the "mystery box."

Lost

I can't get enough of this song right now. I wish I had a video camera and a macbook.

Coldplay Lost from Anna Gustafson on Vimeo.

What's A Dream

Had coffee with my Dad about a week ago... maybe a little more. I explained to him that I'm really not enjoying my "dream job" anymore. Surprisingly he didn't reprimand me, or disown me, but rather offered some support. He said I should chase my dream. Sweet! Chase my dream, I like the sound of that.

But wait, what's my dream?

I want to travel the world. But that's not a dream that pays bills, (instead it creates more of them). I want to run an adventure tourism business. But I've got zero qualifications for that job. I'd love to be a pro surfer. But I live in Barrie. I want to run a camp. But that doesn't pay bills either. I want to create a third space ministry. But that doesn't pay bills either.

So I'm stuck.

Anyone have a dream I can borrow?

Am I Missing Something?

I see people around me doing what they love, and it makes me wonder... Do they know something I don't?

Familiarity

So I'm sitting here reading the latest from Donald Miller (A Million Miles In A Thousand Years) and at one point he talks about how most women who suffer from domestic abuse go right back to the dude who abused them. Why? Because these women fear change. Their situation might be bad, but there is a chance that the change could make it worse. So they stay.

I think I'm a lot like that. Yeah I'm not really happy with my current work situation, but it could get worse. Right now I know how much gets added to my bank account every 2 weeks. And even though it's not much, it's familiar and I know how to make it work. If I moved on to something different, there's a chance it could be less.

So I dream about being self-employed. Travelling the world, creating media that inspires and moves people, inspiring people to live out their dreams, creating memorable marketing for business, living some place warm... But it's just a dream.

I guess that's why so few people are really living to the fullest. Because that requires risk, and we're too comfortable in our misery to take that leap of faith.

Accumulations

When I look at this picture I have all sorts of feelings.
Happiness.
Love.
Hope.
Thankfulness.
But also stress, worry, pressure and to be honest, I feel like a failure.

She deserves something better. A husband that looks like Brad Pitt, is as smart as Steve Jobs, as funny as Will Ferrell, as kind and loving as Mother Theresa, and someone that knows what they are doing.

But that's not why I feel like a failure at times. It's because I'm failing in what God has called me to do. I'm called to lead... no... propel her into a deeper relationship with Christ. A relationship that is dangerous, radical, unpredictable and unlike the life we live right now.

I often lose sight of this. I think if we have a nicely furnished house, 2 cars in the driveway and an overall feeling of safety and security then I'm doing alright. But truth is it's so much more than that. If we aren't actively advancing the cause of Christ then we are living far below potential. If we aren't helping people encounter God, then we're not cutting it. If we go to church on Sunday, raise our hands in worship, put a cheque in the offering, but fail to engage our neighbours who have never had an encounter with God, then we are failing.

God has blessed me with an incredible wife. One who selflessly gives of herself and loves me so much more than I could ever imagine. It is my duty as a husband to lead her into the kind of life that is uncomfortable. One that makes most Christians feel uncomfortable. It is my duty to refuse to settle for a "normal" life, and to strive towards a life that makes an impact for the kingdom.

I like the way Mark Batterson puts it: "don't accumulate possessions, accumulate experiences."

Danger Of One Day

Crystal and I went to see UP last night, (I know I'm kind of late on this one), and it totally lived up to the hype. I had heard from a number of people that the movie was amazing, and that they cried (it's a CARTOON!). It was a great movie though.

What hit me the most was how much I am like the main character, Carl. Yes, I can be a crotchety old man at times. But that's not what resonated with me the most.

SPOILER WARNING!!!

The early part of the movie follows Carl and his wife, Ellie, through their marriage. From the day they met, to the day Ellie passes away. What initially drew them together was their mutual love for adventure and travel. In fact, they agree that one day they will travel the world, eventually ending up in Paradise Falls, where they will live from that point on. Despite all the talk and planning, they never actually do it. They get caught up in "life" and soon they are paying bills, working on a career and fixing up the house and can't find the time or (the money) to make their travel dream a reality.

That's me. I want to travel around the world. I want to experience Europe, Asia and Australia. I've always wanted to backpack through Europe. I've always wanted to go on safari in Africa. I've wanted to travel to India and China and experience life without the luxury of personal space. I want to see how the rest of the world lives, and come back to Canada with an entirely different view of the world. But it's all talk. I keep telling myself "one day I'll do it" or "one day when I have more money."

As I sat in the theatre watching Carl and Ellie's dream slip away I began to feel the same for myself. I've got a job, a house, a car and the responsibilities that come with it. I can't just push pause and take off for a couple months. As much as I would like it, the bank won't put my mortgage on hold, work won't say: "yeah go travel for a couple months, we're cool with that."

I've fallen victim to the "One Day Syndrome." Putting things off to be done "one day." It's a little depressing thinking that as a guy in his mid-twenties, my window of opportunity has passed me by, but that's how I feel.

Granted there is an easy remedy... Just go do it. But I've worked hard to get where I am. What would my parents think? Would I be throwing away the work I've done in the past 5 years? What do I do with my house? Where does the money come from?

I'm unsure what to do from this point, so if you have any sage advice I'll take it in the comments section below.

A Night To Remember

Last night was my best night in a long time. I had to work an elementary school's "end of year" BBQ for work, so when we wrapped up at 8:30 I was done for the night. Crystal was at her small group, so I decided to take a solo walk along the Barrie waterfront. It was a beauty night; lots of stars, a bit of a breeze coming off the water and I was soaking it in.

I found a flat(ish) rock and stopped to sit by the water's edge. As I was sitting, I heard the faint sound of music coming from Heritage park. Off I went to discover who was singing this sweet melody. I arrived in Heritage park and was greeted by a huge white tent, (complete with signage from a competing radio station), and inside a funk band was on stage! I took a seat among the 5 other people (yes five) and soaked it in.

What a night! Got to watch the sunset on Kempenfelt Bay, enjoy a brisk evening walk along the waterfront, and saw live music in the park! These nights are few and far between, enjoy em when you get em!

It's Not Laziness

There are days I wake up and dread going to work, but I don't think it's laziness. I woke up today itching to do some work, to put together a proposal and go meet with a potential client, or put together a marketing plan for a consumer product. However, it was an itch I couldn't scratch. I don't think my dread comes out of laziness, because I want to do work. I think it comes from a bad fit.

So the search for a good fit begins.

Tribes

As I watched this session by Seth Godin I couldn't help but apply it to the republic. This just further emphasized the need for a creative cradle in Barrie. A place where creativity is nurtured, truth is discovered and a loving creator connects with his people.

I read a blog post yesterday that asked the question: "What would you do if you knew you would not fail?" My answer was "start the republic." The blog went on to say that if you aren't doing what you said in your answer, then a) you are a coward, and b) you are avoiding God's call on your life. That's heavy stuff!

I'm trying to let the republic sit on the back burner for a while, and focus on other stuff right now, but it doesn't seem to be working. Thanks to guys Erwin McManus, Mark Batterson, Malcolm Gladwell and now Seth Godin the desire to see the republic come to life is growing stronger.

Pray that one day I'll grow the stones to step out in faith and make this happen. I know God wants to use it to impact Barrie and begin a grassroots movement where he uses art to bring people back to him. I just don't know if I am ready to take that major step. I'm scared.

Food For Thought

Courtesy of Erwin McManus:
"How would it change the work of the church if our measure of effectiveness was not how little sin was being done, but how much good was being accomplished?

This Is Too Funny

Go, Set, Ready

OK, so I'm stealing this from Mark Batterson, but I needed this today.

Check it out HERE.

Love = Creativity

I was watching the live stream of Idea Camp tonight, mainly because I knew Erwin McManus was going to speak.  He said a lot of great stuff, ("Walking into a small church is like walking in on 2 people making out, it's intimate but you feel like you shouldn't be there.") but it's what he said about creativity that resonated with me.  He said that creativity is at it's peak when your heart is in it; when you care.  (When someone you love is dying and needs medical care, you get creative.)  The problem with a lot of churches today is that they don't truly care about reaching their community.

WOW!  That's heavy!  But I think it may be true.  Do we really realize what's at stake?  I don't think I do.

Trapped

This morning was a nice, relaxed, easy-going morning for me.  Got up, ate, got my haircut, went home for a couple hours before heading into work.  Since I had a couple hours to kill I decided to read, so I made my way over to the Billy bookcase by the window and grabbed a small red book. (Should be a quick read.)  Not so much.

The book I had chosen was Stand Against The Wind by Erwin McManus.  Now you need to understand, Erwin ruins my life every time I read one of his books.  This one was no different.

An overwhelming number of us feel trapped in the lives we've created.  The irony is that we are the cruel tyrants who hold ourselves captive, and the tragedy of our imprisonment reaches into the deepest caverns of our souls.  Our passion to be free both ignites us and betrays us, and more often than not lends us to be consumed by an unforgiving fire.  The very fire that burns within us can destroy us.

When I read that I just about fell off the couch.  That is me!  Often times I feel trapped in this life I have created for myself.  In fact, sometimes I feel like the world's biggest hypocrite.  I don't believe in what I'm selling.  Do I think you should send your kids to Christian school?  No.  Do I believe you shouldn't associate with "non-Christians?"  No.  In fact I feel more comfortable with non-Christians than I do with Christians.  Do I think you shouldn't watch or listen to secular entertainment?  Not a chance!  Then why do I spend 5 hours every day selling it to people across Central Ontario?

Maybe I thought I could change it from the inside.  Pipe dream.  Maybe I thought it would be different?  It isn't.  Maybe I thought the politics wouldn't exist in a ministry?  They do.

Just because you throw the word "Christian" in front of something doesn't mean it's a) good or b) good for you.  In fact, I believe God can use art, in any form, whether it's by a Christ follower or an atheist, to impact people.  

I guess I'm torn with what to do.  My wife is out of work, the economy is in the tank and despite all that, I've got no worries about my job being eliminated in the near future.  We're doing OK.  I should be thankful right?  But something inside of me is yearning for more.  Something inside of me is saying that while the radio station is a great thing, it's not for me.  Maybe I'm a square peg looking for the right hole.

Why?

I've created this blog to share my thoughts, feelings and random musings as I journey through this life. I will still blog here, but I felt I needed a space where I could truly be myself, and not have to worry about how my content will reflect on others. So here it is... A glimpse into the mind/life of AJ Martin.

Enjoy.